University of Lincoln Fire Alarm Procedure

On hearing the fire alarm please follow the guide below; remember during a real fire alarm the noise will be far to loud for you to think properly so study this now:

1. Check if this is a 'real' fire or not. Many a time has been wasted evacuating for those pretend fires which are really not that dangerous and can safely be ignored. To establish the real-ness of a fire the tutor should leave the room and look around the corridor. In the unlikely event no-one else knows either return to the seminar group and ask the students.
   
   
2. If the fire alarm continues and you are still unsure on the realness of the fire remain as you are and maybe have a discussion about whether or not to move. Remember time is not really a factor here, if there was a fire you're all going to have burned already waiting to see if its real or not.
   
   
3. On deciding to move make your way slowly to the nearest door and complain vigorously if you have to go down a flight of stairs. If you are on the 3rd floor or higher try to persuade a group sit-in. Fire is extremely accommodating for laziness and is known never to attack a group.
   
   
4. Make sure everyones belongings are removed from the room, then lock up anyway. This means no-one dressed in a fire costume can sneak in and steal stuff.
   
   
5. Loud conversations should then be held about the stupidity of the event and how it would be better if we could just burn in peace. Conversations should also feature comments about the loudness of the alarms and the amount of noise everyone else is making.
   
   
6. All people should then walk slowly down the stairs complaining that they can't use the lift. The amount of complaining should be doubled if the stairs have only been ascended in the last ten to fifteen minutes.
   
   
7. When on the ground floor go outside and move to a small way away from the building. This distance should not be greater then half the length of fires reach. If asked to move further ignore instructions.
   
   
8. Whilst waiting to be let back in a register may be taken. To assist this action spread around the building or wander off to get a coffee. If you smoke take the time to light up, this makes the outside more smoky then inside and could help confuse the fire.
   
   
9. On confirmation of a lack of fire everyone should try to re-enter the building via the fire escape they came out of. These should be shut, but just open them up, its not like they'll set the alarm of again.
   
   
10. When you are allowed back in again make sure everyone travels up the same staircase. Impose a regular speed by having the slowest people at the front. Several people should forget which floor they are on so as to walk against the direction of the majority. Complaints this time should be kept until you are back in seminars, a good five minutes can be wasted discussing having to walk up and down the stairs so often.
    

We thank you for taking these rules into account and trust you will not die here at Lincoln.